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we have the tight earrings that leave a mark on the lobe which looms as large as a moon crater in his mind.. thinks everybody sees the in- dentation. Or the lipstick which just won't come off..you scrub and scrub like mad and the red border line is still there..you may not believe this but I know one TV who actually used AJAX scouring pow- der and, naturally tore his lips to pieces (I hope Gail doesn't read this line) and then there are the TV's who discover that the best removing agent for lipstick are those little white bars of soap you find in hotel bathrooms, you just rub the little bar up and down, side- ways and round and round,, and presto,, (isn't that right, Anita?)... And then there's the TV who is scared to death at the thought of combing his wig..doesn't know that wigs keep better and look better if they are combed and brushed periodically. you can even wet the comb with water and go through those waves like mad..you'll be am- azed at the results. it'll either look gorgeous or you'll have to go and buy a new wig. No, seriously, they should be combed...and then I can mention the TV who's just finished dolling up... and sudd- enly he hears steps on the hallway...or even worse, they are knock- ing at the door...nobody in the entire world can undress with the lightening velocity of a TV trapped in those circumstances...I hate to think of the dozens and dozens of perfectly marvellous dresses and slips that have been unceremoniously ripped when that emergency came...and again the TV who's dying to buy a pair of beautiful pumps he passes in front of the same window dozens of times.. finally gath- ers courage and enters the store.. the salesman approaches with a smile.. "Can I help you sir?" That "sir" is like a bomb..the TV finds his courage draining away. "Well--he mumbles, "I was wondering if you had those pumps in the window.. "and he stops.. he can't quite vocalize the size--but the salesman has now become an agent of the Inquisition and he turns the screws with subtle ferocity-- "What size would you want"--he asks. And now comes the big moment. "Size 11, I th..think SHE wears. And this is said somewhat apologetically as if you were admitting to the salesman, a stranger, that your wife or sweetheart or sister has this terrible deformity that mars her beauty size 11. And the pumps are brought..you are so nervous by this time that you barely glance at them,.you pay whatever the man asks.. and you walk out clutching the package as if it was alive.. You finally get home and dash to your room..off come the socks. on go the ny- lons and now the foot timidly slides into the shoe..it's tight as the dickens..the salesman sold you a narrow width..but you'd rather die than go back and change them for a wider size.. and you keep them.. and continue to suffer everytime you wear them..and if a TV friend should come and visit you..you bravely put them on and prance around proudly..beautiful, aren't they?..but you'll never, never admit that
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70.